As the Roots Undo.

Many men who harass women say their intent is to compliment them, but why do they usually not “compliment” women who are accompanied by other men and often only do it when a woman is alone? Why do they tend to object to other men “complimenting” their female significant other (if applicable), female friends, or female family members? Why do some men grow hostile and violent when women do not thank them and act flattered? Why do they feel compelled to compliment women at all? Rarely are they expecting a date. Many times they do not even wait to see a woman’s reaction as they fly by in their car or as they turn to start harassing the next woman. They are doing it to exert their power, to entertain their friends, to relieve boredom, or do demonstrate that they can evaluate a complete stranger to her face, just because she is a woman.

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Stop Street Harassment: Holly Kearl (via completelymoribund)

The thing that so many men need to understand is that women do not consider it a compliment when they are being harassed on the street. Women usually feel either embarrassed or terrified or a combination of the two. So stop fucking doing it.

(via sexytypewriter)

it’s so telling that men tend to do this when they’re in a group of other men. and i’ve never had it happen when i’m hanging out with dudes, especially not when i’m with my ginormous dad (most men don’t give a fuck about harassing me if i’m with my mom who is as small as i am). so if it isn’t sexual, or threatening, and you just want to ~make me smile~ then why can you only do it when i’m perceived as vulnerable?

(via hyper—ballad)

I would add that it rarely happens or when I am around men who know that I am dating someone at that time. Many men (certainly not all) are willing to lay off if they perceive that you are “owned” - otherwise, you’re public property, and they’re free to treat you however they like. Any competition that erupts is less to flatter the woman than to establish temporary rights to her, even if they must degrade her to do so.

(via desliz)

that or the nature of the so-called compliments will change if youre w a man. they will go from a respectful “you look beautiful this evening, ma’am” when youre w a dude to some vulgar shit about your pussy, if youre alone. because youre not worthy of respect as just a woman.

(via baddominicana)

So much yes to everything. The only time guys won’t try to approach me is when I’m with a male companion, but even then, I’ve gotten stares and looks that made me uncomfortable. It shouldn’t matter whether I’m alone, with my guy friends, or with my boyfriend; I don’t want your attention, so fuck the hell off and don’t talk to me. I shouldn’t have to carry pepper spray with me at all times and constantly check my surroundings just in case something bad happens.

(via susurrations)

Yesterday I was standing on my balcony trying to reschedule my washer/dryer installation. I have to be outside because service inside sucks. I’m on the phone, minding my own business when a man in the parking lot starts whistling at me, over and over, trying to get my attention. Now, I like to say that “Next time it happens, I’ll say something.” But my first reaction was fear. My first thought was “Oh shit, my husband’s not home, I don’t remember if I locked the door and this guy isn’t just walking past me on the street, HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE.” So I pretended I didn’t hear him. He continued to whistle and stare. He was still out there when I got off the phone, so I ran inside to check the door.

THAT is why I carry a knife to class on Mondays, even though it’s illegal. I have to go through a parking garage alone at 8:30 pm, and I’m scared. That’s why I was terrified all day, waiting for the delivery guys to drop the washer/dryer off last week, because I was home alone and knew two men much stronger and larger than me would soon be invited into my house. That’s why I cover my body, never wear shorts, don’t like low cut shirts, because the 17 year old waiter at our favorite restaurant when I was 12 couldn’t keep his opinion to himself. Because one day, we saw him at K-Mart and he walked up without me noticing and covered my eyes to “surprise” me. That’s why I was super blonde for a total of only 24 days, not because I hated the way it looked, but because it just made it worse. It’s why I try to act like “one of the guys” so my guy friends stop thinking of me as a girl and forget to say shit like that. It’s why I almost had an anxiety attack, one night out for a jog, when the same van drove by three times. It’s why even though I like to do things alone, I drag my husband along because I feel safer.

I shouldn’t have to feel this way.